Violence in the Family

Violence can be physical or emotional, but it always causes harm. When violence happens in the home, it can leave a young person feeling as if there is no safe place for them.

Violence is when someone hurts another person physically or emotionally. This could mean hitting someone, calling them names, threatening, bullying, or trying to control them. Violence is never okay.

When violence happens in the home, it can have a big impact on young people. They might become anxious or depressed, have suicidal thoughts, or have trouble concentrating and controlling emotions. Good, supportive family relationships are important for everyone to feel happy, and to do well. No-one should ever feel unsafe or scared with their family at home.

If a young person is experiencing violence at home, they will need support to know what to do.

Keeping an eye out

Young people who live in violent homes might react in different ways. They may:

Keep it a secret because they feel ashamed
Feel overwhelmed because they don’t know what to do
Become scared or worried what will happen next
Have physical injuries such as unexplained bruises or marks
Lack confidence or feel bad about themselves and their family
Avoid being at home
Feel a responsibility to protect others in their family
Feel angry or have trouble dealing with anger – they may lash out or be violent toward others
Have trouble concentrating and start to find schoolwork more difficult

Healthy conversations

Are you concerned about someone’s safety at home? People experiencing or witnessing violence might be afraid to say anything. Ask them if they are okay, keep being supportive of them, and let them know they can talk to you when they are ready.

If you’re a friend:

Don’t be afraid to ask. Say what you’ve noticed and that you’re worried about them
If they have told you that they’re experiencing violence at home, listen to what they have to say and take them seriously
Remind them the violence is not their fault and it doesn’t have to continue
Stay calm and remain non-judgemental - don’t rush in with advice, but support them to get the right help
Tell them that there is help available and offer to help them find the right support for them and their family

If you’re a family member:

Are you concerned about violence in your family? Some family members experiencing or witnessing violence might be afraid to say anything.

It can be hard, but it's important to start to talk about family violence honestly. Say what you’ve noticed and why it’s a problem
Listen to what they have to say
Remind them that the violence is not their fault and it doesn’t have to continue
Let them know you are willing to play a part in helping them find the right help for the whole family

Taking action

If you’re a friend:

Safety comes first. If a young person is in immediate danger of being harmed, or members of their family are, you can contact the police. The police support families to be safe and find ways for the violence to stop. In an emergency, call 111
Encourage them to contact an organisation that can get them and their family the help they need. Find out which organisations are available and let the young person know
Help them work out a safety plan. This could include ways to keep safe, where to go when it is violent, who they can trust and talk to about it and how to contact them
Encourage them to always stay in touch with friends and whānau who care about them
If you are very worried about a young person’s safety at home, you can anonymously call 0508 32 64 59 and talk about why you think they’re not safe. Doing this could protect the young person and help the family deal with the issue

If you’re a family member:

Safety comes first. If anyone’s in immediate danger of being harmed contact the police. The police support families to be safe and find ways for the violence to stop. In an emergency, call 111
Agree together to contact an organisation that can get you and thee young person’s family the help they need
Help the young person make a safety plan. This could include: ways to keep safe, where to go when it is violent, who they can trust and talk to, and emergency contact numbers
Stay in touch with each other and with people who care about your family
If you are very worried about a young person’s safety at home, you can anonymously call 0508 32 64 59 and talk about why you think they’re not safe. Doing this could protect the young person and help the family deal with the issue